thou art fair, O my beloved !

 Poet, Author and Lawyer

The three words above – Poet, Author and Lawyer sound like a lethal combination! Well, I happened to meet one such guy. We were made to meet through a family friend. Back then, I was smitten by people (men) who spoke the Queen’s English, went to schools which were a dream to study in. So here we were meeting for the first time, he was 10 years older than me (I was in the “age is just a number” kind of phase). We met at a local restaurant near our workplace and it being winters I wanted to have something nice and warm so I ordered for Dimsums. The moment I picked up one piece with my hand, he said “lady, why don’t you use a fork and a knife”? I gave him a look and said ,"I like it like this". His next comment was, “lady I will refine you, don’t worry”. I did not know how to react? Whether to laugh or to ignore the comment so I just smiled.

I reached home and he called me to say that it’s a yes for him and he wanted to know my answer. I was amazed at him. I said, we have just met for thirty minutes and I can’t decide so soon. So I told him lets plan to meet again. While planning the next meeting I suggested a coffee shop in one of the malls where he did not want to go. I suggested another, and then he said, “lady, the decision should be bilateral and not unilateral”. I was stumped with this statement and I couldn’t believe that this is how I will be spoken to every single day, hour or minute if I married him. Each day would feel like as if I were vetting a contract. I said, “Can you speak normal English? Who talks like this?”

I don’t think he got the sarcasm as next morning I had a good morning message which was nothing less than a poem from Shakespeare which read - thou art fair, O my beloved . It started with thou and ended with thou and had thou and thou in every possible line.

I, as always, decided against the proposal.

"Tiring tale of a flat tyre"

                                                        “Tiring tale of a flat tyre”

                                          

It was just last evening that I had wound up work and went to gym at the office (just started a few days back 😀 I was exercising in a hurry as I had invited my dear friend Kavya for dinner at my place. I left around 7:30, chit chatted with 2 of my colleagues on my way down to the parking and then left office thinking I will be home just in time for an early dinner, just the way Kavya and I like it. So here I was listening to loud music in my Alto and suddenly I felt that the steering wheel was extremely heavy; I checked the handbrake; as I sometimes forget to undo it 😃😃😃. But that was not the case.  I felt the car wobble and I decided to pull over and stopped the car on the left hand side of the expressway. I figured I had a flat tyre. I was irritated as I had recently got fuel filled and got the air checked. It was dark and I was alone so the first person I called was Kavya and told her I will be late and that I had had a flat tyre. She said she is coming with my father to the location. She asked me where exactly I was. Here’s the thing while driving on the expressway, sometimes you lose track of where exactly you are as it’s a long stretch with a few patches in between where there are no signboards to refer. I was stuck in such a patch. I told her I shall send her my Whatsapp location and she said she doesn’t know how to figure that out. In any case I told her to leave with Papa and look for my car with hazard lights on just ahead of her old office building.

Meanwhile I had texted my colleagues that I am stuck on the road; they did offer to come but I did not want to trouble them as it would have been a complete detour. I called my friend Sachin who owns a car accessories business; I told him the situation and he immediately offered to come to the location; I told him not to. He asked me “which tyre is it”? I said I don’t know as I haven’t got out of the car. I was scared. He asked me to get out and be on the phone with him and to tell him which tyre was it. I did not understand the logic; it could be any tyre, the point is it’s a flat tyre. So, I told him it’s the front right tyre. He said “ fine, now you sit in the car and lock yourself and wait for uncle”. I told him you please be on the phone with me till they come. He agreed.

I also called the roadside assistance that I was registered with. They said they would take an hour to reach so I decided against it.

Suddenly, out of nowhere I see two bikers approaching me and one of them said “Mam hum puncture wale hain, window down karo”. I acted bold and told them to go away. I was narrating it simultaneously to Sachin, he told me not to roll the windows down. I started driving with the flat tyre; I thought, to hell with the tyre let me see how far I can reach. They came again and I again told them to go away. Maybe they genuinely came for help but I couldn’t risk it.

Till the time Kavya and Papa were reaching the spot Sachin was chatting with me to calm me down. He asked me if I had an inflator; I asked if what that was. He explained to me. I said no I don’t think so I have it. Then he asked if I had a hockey stick or anything for my protection; I said no. He said – “do you have a pepper spray”? I said I did have it but it’s at home. I could visualize him controlling his anger as that was the last thing he could have done - scold me. So, all he said was – “you should have all these things in your car; I being a boy have all these things in my car”. I said –“ok I will take care in future”. Then I could see Kavya’s call waiting; so I hung up on Sachin and called Kavya and told her about the bikers. She told me to just keep sitting in the car. She couldn’t locate me but she found Minku Bhaiya, who was an owner of a grocery shop near her office. She told me that she is sending Minku Bhaiya to look for me and only if I saw someone on a bike wearing a black and white check shirt should I roll down the window. I kept waiting and kept looking at each and every biker hoping it to be Minku Bhaiya; checking out their shirts if it fit the description. I never imagined I would ever wait so eagerly for someone called Minku Bhaiya in my life. But, there he was my knight in shining armour. He stopped the bike and said – “daro mat, main Minku hoon”. Then he called Kavya and told her that he had found me.

Finally, Papa and Kavya came and Papa gave me a light hug. I told Papa, that Sachin was saying we should get an inflator for both the cars. Papa looked at the tyre and he said” Beta, nothing on this earth can inflate this tyre”. The rubber of the tyre had MELTED 😀 I didn’t know where to look😶. My father asked me “How did you manage this”. I just told him let’s change the tyre first and then let’s talk about it when we are home as I was feeling embarrassed in front of Kavya and Minku Bhaiya.

Finally, we all left after thanking Minku Bhaiya for his help. Reached home, had dinner and slept.

This morning mom woke me up and asked me if I got scared yesterday; before I could answer she said that Papa couldn’t sleep the whole night thinking what if……

Lesson learnt from last night – always have something to protect yourself, be it a rod or a pepper spray, your phone should be completely charged or you should charge it on the move, have an inflator in the car and you should know how to use it, have friends who you can call in such situations and have some friends like Minku Bhaiya who are god sent angels💝 

Karma comes full circle! Does it?

                                              Karma comes full circle! Does it?

In this day and age of “kalyug” as they say, is it worth helping someone or doing something good for someone who has at some point in time done bad to you?

There are two schools of thought to it. The first is to cut chords with someone who has done bad to you. If they have been mean to you, you reciprocate the same "meanness" and stoop down to the same leave and as they say follow the “tit for tat” rule.

The other school of thought is to still go ahead and help that person if they have reached out to you because they feel that you have the power to help them. You go ahead and do the best you can for them and let karma punish them for their toxic behavior extended earlier.

I somehow believe in the latter; I am not losing out if I helped someone because that makes me a bigger person; however some people might get away with using you; but if it benefits you or your soul in some way or gives you some mental satisfaction of having helped humanity. So, be it.

What are your thoughts?

Matrimony date with the “self-proclaimed” Shiv Khera

                                Matrimony date with the “self-proclaimed” Shiv Khera

Two weeks back I met a smart and suave marketing professional who literally marketed himself to me when I asked him what you do over a Whatsapp chat. In the reply was a YouTube video where he was rattling out his work ex and his strengths and weaknesses as if it were an interview. I cracked up. Held my breath and thought this is an interesting way to introduce yourself. We then started chatting; it was the Champions cup India Vs Pakistan match and we were in a bad spot; he asked me if we could Facetime (FT). I told him I was watching the match. He said – oh that will get over in 30 minutes (pushing the interaction because he was free). I told him I was out with family and I got no revert from him (inspite of the blue ticks).

The next day he sent me a message apologizing for the late reply and if we could FT the same day. We decided to FT the same day at 10 p.m. – a little late though, I did not want to sound very rigid so I agreed.

The FT was initially nice and pleasant with the regular exchange of Info and towards the end it was a long discussion on where to meet the next day. For those of you who are from Delhi; I stay in Greater Noida and he was staying in Dwarka. The most convenient options could have been CP or Khan Market or anywhere in South Delhi. It took us one hour to decide, rather me to convince him eventually that we could meet at Meharchand Market which was equidistant for us.

As always I like to be on time rather before time mostly. I took a cab and reached the CCD where we had decided to meet. I took a nice corner table overlooking the main road. He landed up speaking to someone on his phone; looked at me from outside and then signaled that I sit on another table. I signaled back that he should come in first and then we could figure it out. I did not like this authoritative behavior; where is the chivalry gone? You let the girl choose the place!!

Finally, we sat and started chatting. Then the “Shiv Khera” moment started – Priha ji, kya karna hai life mein? Shaadi kyun karni hai? Kaisa ladka chahiye? Somehow these questions sound easy but when you actually try and answer them there is no correct answer. I tried to answer them to the best of my capability.

By now, after 5 years of meeting these “potential candidates” or “suitors” (as one of them had called himself to be), I was really sick and tired of this rigmarole. I prefer conversations which are more generic, in the first meeting atleast. He started planning my career and my kids – told me I should work for an MNC and not for an Indian Company because tomorrow when I fill the nursery admission form for my kid my credentials i.e. education, organization I work for and compensation would help my kid get admission to one of the elite schools in Gurgaon. He had somehow in his head reached the stage where I was moving to Gurgaon, working in an MNC and having kids (whose? even I don’t know; not his, I was sure by then J).

His thinking, I agree was practical but too practical for a conversation to have in the first meeting. For the first time I was intimidated by his questions. I felt I was being interviewed wherein I am in a profession where I interview people.

The next was a lecture on health and fitness. He asked me when I got my last blood test done. Both his parents were doctors so he thought he was no less. I did not understand the need and relevance of this question. I said I got it done recently and told him my hemoglobin was low (I was upset about the fact that I could not donate blood at a camp organized in our office because I really wanted to as I have a rare blood group i.e. O-ve). So in that innocence I told him that the test was recent. To add to it he said – “I will send you a list of blood tests to be done”. I just kept looking at him with a blank look. I just wanted this meeting to end.

What I did not understand was that why were we talking about these things. Did he not have anything better to do on a Saturday morning? I felt like a scapegoat. In the end he said…think about what I said…if you move to Gurgaon you will be a different person altogether.

Somehow I did not get the right vibes from him. I said I needed to go home; I booked a cab and zipped off. On my way back, which is a 1.5 hour drive, I kept thinking why this meeting happened the way it happened.

I narrated the whole incident to one of my closest friend on the way back and purposely spoke in English as I did not want the cab driver to understand what I was saying.

She and I laughed about it over the phone and by the time I had reached home I was feeling better after having vented out my harrowing experience.

I was just about to pay the cab driver and he said – “Mam you still haven’t found your Mr. Right…I can’t believe it “.

My mouth was wide open.

I give him a sheepish smile as I was shocked that he understood English. I replied with a straight face – Yes, I haven’t; if you know someone let me know.

"Arranging Love"

I once heard someone say "Love can be Arranged" but to "Arrange Love" seems like a herculean task in this day and age. I don't think they make men like our fathers anymore. Finding the right "Boy" or "Groom" is in itself is a tumultuous task. After meeting and speaking with a number of men the only conclusion i could draw was that- either there is a problem with them or with me; which one is true - i don't know ?

I have still not been able to figure out how to understand men. They either want to marry you after 2 hours of meeting  or they still haven't been able to decide even after months of meeting. Listing down a few "incidents / idiots" (you can choose what you want the "I" to stand for😆).

I 1. This is the first guy i ever met thinking getting married is a cake walk; i am so lovable and cute; i will meet him, we will talk , he will like me and that's it . Simple.
It was so simple that its been 5 years and my status is still "single".😜 Every Valentine's Day i think, this is the last one as single, next year i am sure i will be hooked 😆. Here i am in 2017 again "arranging love".

Back to Feb 2012, met a very handsome looking boy only to be told that he was here to meet me only because his mother had pushed him to. Dude you are 35; how can you be pushed for something? So, in the event of being polite we "friendzoned" each other ; as that is the safest thing to do and honestly i thought that is what is done since it was my first time in such a situation. I thought if you can't get him to be your husband you make him your friend. But soon i realized that i was making more "friends"😆 and the "husband" was nowhere to be found😆.

I 2. I1 took me 2 years to get over with; and then again in 2014 i was in the "marriage market". Met another boy through the Dotcoms. He was one helluva cookie (read jerk). Met me once; second meeting he wanted to check out our "travel compatibility" - a trip to Goa was what he wanted. I told him sure lets test our compatibility but what about our parents compatibility because as they say in India -"Shaadi do logon ka nahin do parivaron ka bandhan hai" so why not take them to Goa as well. He chickened out 😆.

I 3. I 3 was a lawyer and a poet - a very deadly combination. Met him for coffee; by the time i reached home he wanted to marry me 😃 and i had still not decided as to what i thought of him. Every day i had long poems as text messages only to wish me "Good Morning". I couldn't bear them; hence i decided against him.

I 4. Met another guy, and when i came back my friends asked me how was he ? The only answer that came to my mind was - "theek tha but crisp nahi tha😆". Oh boy we had a hearty laugh 😆. Sometimes you meet some people and there is nothing wrong with them but somewhere the click is missing. (In simple words - Ghanti nahi baji.)

So, without being judgmental i went along and started meeting the "not so crispy soggy guy" again and again. We met a few times and again the click was missing, so i decided not to take it forward; no point wasting each other's time and time was something he never had.

Either the men these days are too fast or maybe i am too slow. They start addressing you as "baby" the moment they meet you.😲. Some of them are quite well educated but not broadminded. One of them , a graduate from a premiere B-school,mentioned in one of our conversations that girls who have tattoos are very fast.😮.  Don't know why they waste so much money to get good education when the basic attitude, respect and chivalry is missing.

The other day one of my aunts asked me - "tu kab ladka dhoondegi". I told her,  Aunty - ab main nahin dhoondongi; woh mujhe dhondega. Its his turn to find me now. I've had enough. She was happy to see me have that attitude 😄 .

I am 32 going on 33; no regrets, i have a very understanding and supportive family and a lot of good friends who are like oxygen to me.

All i want to say to 'the happy singles like me' - "A late marriage is better than a bad one". Good luck.